Long time no see

So it's been quite a while since I've blogged last! Sorry about that...

Lots has happened since I've last been on here!!

1. I've done 2 shows so far this year! More than I've ever done! And Cash has done great in all of them! Ribbons across the board an has been really just perfect! 

2. I've been working a TON! So I've been making and saving some good money for my next year show season! 

3. I've been accepted into NIU's program for special education so I will be starting my junior year there in about a week! 

My next horse show was supposed to be at the end of the week but, after what happened yesterday, I'm not allowed on the horse for 10 days... 

Yesterday I was doing a 3 jump gymnastic and Cash over jumped the first jump and got too close to the left side of the jump. So with due diligence I tried to shove him over to the right and over corrected him and got popped off over the second jump and went head first into the third :/

My family is trying to get me to not ride so much anymore... 

This kills me because riding is seriously the only thing that keeps me sane in this crazy life :/ 

Do I sound so selfish and crazy? Am I being ridiculous? 

I want to jump higher, not go lower or go slower :/

Linear train of thought? ohh I don't think so ;)

Ohhhh boy! i am sooooooo disorganized!! I like I have 48 hours that I have to fit into the next 24! ahhhahaha!!!
Lordy... oh well, i'll figure this out!
So little bit of updates for me, I AM 100% going to a horse show in March, 22 to be exact!
It's a NIHJA show (hopefully that will be a little smaller in attendance)
Adult Hunters for us (under 2'6")
Maybe i'll have CK get on him for a School Hunter or Training Hunter division
We are FINALLY figuring out the lead changes! (thank the lord!)
And we aren't attacking the jumps anymore! things are right out of stride and very comfortable, now i can even open up his stride without demolishing the jump in the process!
Yay us! haha!

Progress is the best accomplishment that i have ever made! but...
(there's always a but right?)
I wish I could have more!
Sometimes (well all the time) I feel like i'm not as good as my horse is. Well mentally mostly, CK is having me low right now so I don't screw up what little progress I've made! I get so in my head sometimes that when things get bigger I think I need to do more when I know I shouldn't do more! It's one of those small road blocks that i hope will go away soon!
I know that he and I have done it before!

 I don't know if I have posted this picture before (excuse my horrific equitation please) but honestly he has no problem at all flying over a 2'9" jump with little effort and clearing is clearing it by at least 6".
So hight is no problem for him.
To be honest i'm not worried about the height, i'm worried about me doing something wrong... i'm worried about getting in his way but also about over doing it with my position.
Oi, i don't know. I want to jump higher but i know why i'm not, know what I mean?

Writing everything down like this actually helps me so much with some of my anxieties, i appreciate all of you who follow and are so patient with me :)

...

Does it life ever stop being about money? do things ever stop getting so expensive? does the universe ever say "hey you know what, we know this makes you happy so we'll cut you a break this time"
It's no fun when your life math equations don't match your life budget...and the sacrifice comes from the places that make you happy.
I hate to use this as a gripe session but god sometimes i just need to get this crap out.
I ( like most equestrians) have a few of those friends who just have everything, the name brand stuff, the million dollar horses and the opportunity to show where they want and when they want without having to worry about how much it costs to be there or if you'll even perform well. As much as I absolutely love my friends, I cannot stand not always being able to keep up with them.
To me, my horse is worth more money then is in existence in this world, but i wish he came to me knowing a lot more then he did, and just having that horse show hunter-y blood running through his veins.
I also wish that i wasn't a broke college sophomore, out of a single parent income with my own minimum wage part time income that barely covers the cost of board.
My mother has done everything for me, for my entire life. You will never hear me complain about anything she has or will do for me. She is the absolute best parent. My father on the other hand, bless his heart, is such a good hearted man but, he's an imbecile with any kind of money. The woman he lives with (who I loathe to even admit, is my step-mother) is also an idiot when it comes to money, but not only that, she is a hypochondriac that is perpetually sick and in pain (and full of shit).
He has spent more money pleasing her, and probably has not payed any form of child support since i was about 6 (14 years ago).
I know i shouldn't complain about the things that I cannot change or the financial obligations that I knowingly took on at 18. But I have to be honest, things would be a whole lot easier if I had him supporting me in some way shape or form. I wouldn't have to work 30 hours a week on top of being a full time student, just to be able to have my dream. I wouldn't have a panic attack when my boss tells me that they have to cut my hours back because the store isn't doing so well.
I want, so badly to just be able to be good at something so that I can say, "yeah, that was me, I did that." I want to be able to compete at horse shows and not worry about how I'm going to be able to pay the bill afterwards. I want to the well at horse shows, but to do well you have to actually be able to go to them and to do that you actually have to have money....
I'm sorry, I know I sound spoiled rotten right now but, I have saved ever penny I have ever made since I was 15 and when you finally realize that it isn't enough... it's absolutely heart breaking.

Push Back

January 13. That's my next show date and THIS time
I'm gonna kick some behind
I mean really! This is the third show, and this year I mean business! I'm tired of just giving a mediocre performance when between Cash and I, we could kick ass! I'm fed up with being third or fourth place when I really have come for the blue!
I'm not going to hope it works out, I know this will be a good one!
I know I'm making a big deal out of an open show but I'm gonna ride this like its finals with a championship on the line because in the end, if you don't then you never ride your best.
At 20 years old, sometimes I feel like I'm a little late to this whole horse show scene. But that really should never stop me from trying to be just as good as the girls who have been on a horse since birth!
This sport has pushed me so far, so hard, and to huge breaking points. Now it's my turn to push right back

Finals week.....

So I gotta be honest, as much as I love being in college I really hate it a lot of the time. Having a job AND having finals AND trying to prep for next show season that starts end of December is really really stressful!
But the good thing is that after this week I have a whole month off to get some more money and take more lessons!
I honestly can't complain too much because it could be so so much worse for me!
On another note, has a one ever used rubber reins? My horse likes to pull his head down after jumps and racing through turns . He's in a corkscrew full cheek bit right now so I would rather not up him if I don't have to. When he does that I have a hard time keeping my fingers closed tightly so I don't know what comes first, my fingers being open or him pulling! I've stopped wearing my gloves so I can really feel when he does it and if my fingers are open. I don't want to stop wearing gloves long term so I wonder if, even without gloves, the rubber reins would be better for me to keep my fingers closed and keep in from pulling them the ought my hands so easily.
Anybody have an opinion on them? All comments and advice is greatly appreciated!!

Back in Business!!

Lordy it's been awhile! Is it to soon to make a New Years resolution? Well too bad.. I promise that the rest of this year and next ill be better about writing in the blog! Pinky promise!!!
Ok, what do I need to fill in on? Hmm, well it's finals week here at home base and it is taking a toll on my barn time :( but I guess if I want to ever get a real job and pay my bills ill need to pay attention here in college! I have a job! Local book store hired me a few weeks ago which means I have money!!
Show season starts... Actually this weekend but I'm skipping out on this one, not quite ready yet but we're getting there!!
I also started the Weight Watchers program about a month ago and I really do like it! But I need to remember that my body is so used to riding that its not going to cut it for activity for the day:/ so I decided to start walking, I've actually graduated to jogging (only a little bit thought) and it feels good! I've lost probably 8lbs which doesn't sound like much but hey it's something!
So like I said, finals week (well two weeks) and its super stressful! I feel just so behind on all of my stuff! Papers in 4 classes and then working in the Photo Lab every other day for 4 hours! Oi...
But I will be better when it's over!
Next semester is my last at community college, I'll have my associates degree then I have to go to a "real school"
I'm not sure how I really feel about this...
On one hand I can go just about where ever I want and make friends and have fun like a college kid should!
But on the other I have Cash who, if I leave for school I have to leave here and probably turn him out to just be a horse for a while. Which is a good idea but, I don't know that I can go everyday with out seeing him or spending time with him:/ taking him to school, isn't really an option unless I plan to stay there. Forever. And that the other thing! I know I love DWF and all the people there, especially CK, I don't know what id do with out her! It makes me sad to even think about having to leave all that behind just so I can get the "college experience" and unless you're partying all the time or living the Greek life then you're kind of doing nothing. I'm not really one for sorority life and I don't think my liver has the endurance (nor do I want it to) to drink every weekend... I want the option to do it all... Have Cash and a job but also get out and meet new people and be kinda on my own.
I don't know what I want! One day I decide that I'm gonna blow this Popsicle stand then the other I'm spouting all the reasons I can't :/
I'm in a bind here and I don't have too much time to figure it out... And I don't know that I would have the option to back out when I do decide...
I don't know what to do!

Somebody help me before I make a wrong decision....

Struggle Bus

Oh yes, it's that time of year again where you feel like your not even riding a horse anymore, all you do is ride the struggle bus :/
Well my owes of the current month are this, the big man is just too skinny. Cash, I swear lost probably 150-200 lbs this summer and it shows. He's got to the point where his ribs and points of his hips show. And not the crazy emaciated "Animal Cops" type of deal but it was obvious that the summer was kind of hard on him. I feel like a bad mom sometimes for that.
Last fall he went off of grain because he was too fat, he came off grain and never lost a pound or any ounce of energy! So since last fall he has been off grain and doing very well, until this summer of course.
So about 2 weeks ago, after a nice long weening process back on to grain, he is now on full grain schedule and has decided to remind me what it exactly means to have the power of a hind end motor in a Quarter Horse wit the stamina of a Thoroughbred. So with in the last few weeks my, normally very well behaved, 9 year old Appendix has kind of turned in to a crazy little monster! Well for him at least.
Spooking at the open doors and anything that passes by the viewing room windows, his need to rock bac on his rear end and use it to run down and attack anything that's going faster then him or even a jump.
We need to do something... I mean, I can handle his "crazy-ness" but I don't really want to, and I'm afraid the grain is doing more harm then good. I constantly have to work him down and make him behave and I feel like that's burning more of the grain then he should be keeping to gain some weight.
And I found that the NIHJA circuit that we run has posted next years schedule. First show is in February and I'm hoping to be ready enough to go with our show team. But if we keep going like this and I still am out of a job then that probably isn't going to happen...
I need a job... And some sanity...
Anybody have any weight gain solutions?